it’s true what they say about first loves.
it’s true what they say about the butterflies, the racing heartbeats, the giddy excitement, and the neverending urge to be close to them.
it’s true what they say about the resting smiling face you make when you’re around them, the topics you try to come up with just to talk to them, the satisfaction in you after you managed to speak to them while looking at them in the eyes, and the tingling in your body after spending time with them.
it’s true what they say about the warmth you feel in your heart when they do something that reminds you of your ideal type, or when they tell you a minor detail about them that reminds you of your parent or sibling, or when they do a silly little thing that you never thought you’d like in a person, or when a bad habit of theirs instead reminds you of home.
it’s true what they say about the calmness you feel once you get closer and closer to them, about the feeling when the flustering tingling of having a crush has now morphed into something more profound, about the comfort you feel knowing that they are also comfortable being around you, and about the realization that you are in love—for the first time ever in your life.
but forgive me for not listening to them, for i was only pushing twelve, and i knew nothing more than the butterflies i got when i made them smile. forgive me for not listening to them, for i did not know what the future held, and i did not expect my world to come shattering down on little twelve-year-old me who had not learned that she could feel more than just butterflies.
it’s true what they say about first loves.
it’s true what they say about the hauntings, the excruciating heartache, the exhaustion and palpitation, and the neverending urge to fix things before it’s too late.
it’s true what they say about the tiresome feeling of chasing and chasing and chasing only to find out that they don’t feel the same way about you, about the loneliness that does not go away for a week or two after they leave you for someone you could never be, about the confusion that makes you question whether or not any of the things that you did together was real, and about the hope that perhaps the world will turn around and be on your side again.
it’s true what they say about the hollowness in your now-dull life that was previously filled up with so much warmth and radiance from them, the anger you might have to suppress when you have to let them go, the denial that it makes you happy to see them be happy with someone that isn't you when deep down it sinks you inside, and the emptiness in your heart when you realize that they might never run back to you.
it’s true what they say about the haunting yet forgiving feeling that you feel even years after the last time you saw them, about the little moments in your life where you still wonder how they’re doing, about the hope that they’re thriving and flourishing wherever they are right now, and about the microscopic part of your heart that still prays that you will accidentally meet them out of nowhere one day to finally get the closure you need.
it’s true what they say about first loves.
it’s true that you will fall hard, fast, and deep; you will love innocently, truthfully, and wholeheartedly.
it’s true that you will get your heart shattered, yet, time will help you mend it back together again.
it’s true that you will learn a thing or two from them; you will forgive and fly out a better person.
most importantly, it’s true what they say about first loves:
even if you don’t want to admit it, a part of you will never ever stop loving them, whether it be in one way or another.
and truthfully, i think that is exactly the beauty of first loves.
